Happy Thanksgiving! Of course we are all grateful today. No need to write about grateful and thankful. In fact, there are some times it would be better not to go to grateful. “What?!” you say. Once someone told me that one of the worst things I could do when seeing someone with a disability or challenge of any kind, be it physical, mental, financial, or whatever, is to go to gratitude. Gratitude that I do not have her/his disability or challenge. It took me a minute to understand. I still may not understand.
I do have two thoughts about the concept however. To go to gratitude because of someone else’s challenge raises me up or over. At any rate, it moves me away from that person and their challenge. Of course, we do not speak our gratitude out loud (Why not? Because it would be rude and unfeeling. Oh.) But, thinking personal gratitude does change something in the energetic field between us and the other. It distances us from them and their disabilities or unfortunate circumstances.
The second inner event that occurs is we step away from our difficult feelings. Maybe we feel sad, or angry. Maybe we feel helpless or hopeless. Maybe we feel guilty or judgmental. Maybe we feel compassion, but that seems to come after the other feelings. When we feel any or all of these, we have several choices. Do nothing. Be aware of our true feelings before moving to judgment or compassion. Stop and take a break before we move to another feeling or thought or action. Stay with it. That is my challenge.
What do I really feel when I see and experience and think about a certain person in their difficult situation? I could ask myself what might they need? I doubt that they need my gratitude for being unlike them. Compassion is important, but it must be a heart event, not a mind event. It may move me to action. Again, what do they need? Vs. what do I think they need or should need, based on my lifestyle or moral code. If I refuse money to the woman leaning against the concrete building in the dead of winter or anytime because I think it will go to drugs or drink, isn’t that what I need? Not what she needs or what I project she needs. I don’t know that the money won’t go to her children, do I. Or the Vietnam vet with one leg or arm? Who served our country? I simply do not know her/his past, present, or future.
We can be grateful we took the time and challenge to stop and be aware of our true feelings and to sit with them. We can be grateful we consciously decided in compassion vs judgement which action will serve the other, not our self.
I do know that right now I am very grateful that you took the time to read my entry!
Thanksgiving peace to you.
Gabrielle
November 22 2018
Very thoughtful message, Gabrielle. What I took from it is if it would be rude to express my gratitude that I don’t have whatever challenges another has to them, then gratitude is probably not an appropriate feeling and I need to examine it.