Realizing my blog Behind the Scenes started out to discuss my writing process, I decided to share some of the process in writing my new, current novel. The first word that came to my mind was procrastination. In fact, I considered a different topic, and discovered that, in itself, is a form of procrastination in discussing procrastination!
For me, writing is fulfilling, challenging, and provides a learning curve to guide improvement. So, why procrastinate doing something I love? I don’t know. While writing Blood Draw, I could see it may have come from not knowing what I was doing. Writing a second novel does give me a pattern to follow plus another opportunity to improve. Pablo Casals, the world renown cellist, was asked why he continued to practice so many hours in his eighties. He replied thoughtfully, “I am beginning to see some improvement.” Ah, that’s why we pursue what we love, we notice improvement.
I think I procrastinate for several reasons. The characters and I have not yet formed a relationship. They are all seeds, embryos, yet to be birthed. I have a glimpse of their personalities, but know so little about who they are, and what they want me to reveal. For those of you who have read Blood Draw, Peter started out to be a nice guy before he showed me his sociopathic ways.
Another reason for procrastinating is that I have ideas about what I want to write, but not how they will develop, much less interweave and fit together. Both of these reasons share the underlying root cause: fear of the unknown.
Another possibility is the German (Lutheran) work ethic within my genes – if something is pleasurable, be wary of it. There is a suggestion that one is not really supposed to enjoy work, just do it. Leben and Arbeiten are the main purposes of living, offered Freud. To love and to work. Not to love our work. I personally like one of Buddha’s guiding principles: “In the end this is what matters most: How well did you love?”
Gratefully, I love my work. I love being a therapist and a writer.
Sneak preview: I’m writing about the Patriarchy, the story of its birth five thousand years ago, take or leave a thousand, and its manifestations today. I believe light is being shone upon the patriarchy in our times and like a rock being lifted up to see the light, many creepy, crawly things are scattering out.
Procrastination isn’t good or bad, and sometimes is useful. My job is to know when it is not useful, when it is based in fear of the unknown, and bring forth the intention to conquer it.
Peace
Gabrielle
January 18, 2019