I am reading Stages of Meditation written by The Dalai Lama. First, he requires focused concentration, not exactly available to me these days. However, I am gaining some insights that I think are worth sharing. Two quotes:
“Become aware of the disadvantages of disturbing emotions and their instability.”
“Compassion is the wish that all sentient beings be free from suffering and its causes.” (sentient: having the power of perception by the senses, conscious)
I grew up in a childhood where it was necessary not to feel my emotions, but rather to feel or intuit others’ feelings. Great for developing protection and compassion. Not so great for recognizing my own feelings. I remember asking my analyst “How do you know what you feel?” His unsatisfactory and useless answer was: “You just know.” Duh. Why do you think I am here? (I thought, did not say.) Over time and other therapists and self-discovery, I learned to feel, to recognize feelings, and to put my emotions into words. Which, of course, I am still working on. In recent years, I’ve learned, mainly via Buddhism, to recognize, name, and let go of feelings. I shake my head. More learnings.
The disadvantages of disturbing emotions are so concise and incisive. Disturbing emotions are not advantageous to ourselves and certainly not to others. What are they there for anyhow? I like the definition that the purpose of feelings is to give us information about our environment. I would also add – and about ourselves. What are the disturbing emotions? Hurt. Resentment, Anger. Jealousy. We know our list of familiar feelings that bring us down into suffering – the biggest disadvantage.
Once I read that feelings last 90 seconds. They build, peak, and recede. A bit like waves in the ocean. They last 90 seconds if we don’t disturb or interrupt them. The problem is that we feed them before the 90 seconds are up. We create stories to massage, grow, and retain the feeling. Then we suffer – a clear disadvantage to happiness. As always, the first step to change is in becoming aware. We might note “oh, there’s that same story I create to keep that familiar feeling.” Over and over and over. Yes, it usually does go back to childhood – when we were children without choices. Now we are adults with choices.
Compassion for ourselves and those repetitious feelings can relieve our suffering. Then we are able to create compassion for others and have the desire to free them from suffering and its causes.
Lots to think about, I know. May you be free from suffering and enjoy happiness.
Peace
Gabrielle
April 12, 2019